Don't Talk To Me
by Happy Sartre
Summary: When Sinjin Van Cleef committed suicide, nobody cared. Nobody except for me, Jade West. When Sinjin and I were younger, he and I were best friends, but not like it matters now-he's dead. And, honestly, I can't help but wonder if I could have saved him.


_This is slightly AU, because Sinjin and Jade go to a public high school. Other than that, everything's pretty much canon._

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><p>When Sinjin Van Cleef committed suicide, nobody cared.<p>

You see, Sinjin was the residential Geek-That-Nobody-Liked. You know the type. Super-skinny, awkward social skills, an obsession with science fiction. Honestly, he wasn't even a _person_—he was a walking punch line.

Of course, when everyone found out that he died, there were the few people who said, "Oh no! That's so sad!" Then there were the meathead jocks who joked about it. But most people said, "Oh, that sucks," and got on with their lives.

I'm pretty sure I was the only one who cried.

You see, nobody at the school would know it now, but Sinjin and I used to best friends. The year before we started kindergarten, I was on vacation with my parents at an amusement park. It had a fairy tale theme, and honestly it was the cutest place I'd ever been to. When I was little, I loved fairy tales, and I would pretend that I was a princess. The amusement park was like heaven for me, and my parents bought me a tiara, wings, and a wand.

When my parents and I were walking to the Ferris wheel, I met Sinjin. He was curled up underneath a bench and whimpering, and I, being the benevolent fairy princess I was, got down and talked to him.

"Hi, I'm Jade!" I said.

He looked at me warily and stammered out, "I-I'm Sinjin."

"Are you okay, Sinjin?" I asked.

"No…" he sniffled. "I lost my mommy and daddy and I'm _really _scared!"

I held out my hand to him. "Well, come out! I can help you find them."

"You can?"

"Of course! I'm a magical fairy princess, I can do anything!"

Reassured, Sinjin stopped sniffling and took my hand. "Okay," he said, crawling out from under the bench.

With the help of my parents and the park officials, we soon reunited Sinjin with his parents. They were ecstatic, and, as one would expect, our families spent the rest of the vacation together. Sinjin and I became very good friends, and we found out that we were going to be in the same kindergarten class. Before, I had been terrified to start school, but now that I already had a best friend, I couldn't wait to start.

School went well at first. I made friends, Sinjin made friends. We were happy five-year-olds. But after some time passed, Sinjin started to get picked on. It was only natural. In addition to being kind of weird, he was the shortest in the class, wore glasses, and had a bit of an obsession with teeth. I was second tallest in the class, and so I took it upon myself to beat up anybody who picked on him. Did it help? No, it just got me a lot of visits to the guidance counselor about why it's bad to bully people. I doubt she ever talked to the boys bullying Sinjin, but that's just the way things work.

The next few years developed as one would expect. Sinjin and I became closer, and as other people excluded him, I began excluding other people.

I was his best friend.

I was his _only_ friend.

By the time junior high started in the seventh grade, I had shed my fairy wings in favor of black nail polish and eye liner, and was beginning to develop a CD collection of symphonic black metal. Sinjin was just getting weirder. And it was stereotypical weird, too—you know, he owned Star Trek paraphernalia, King Arthur figurines—even _Dungeons and Dragons_, but it just collected dust because I refused to play it with him.

We were really different people, and I don't know how we stayed friends in middle school. I guess it was obligation on my part. I felt the need to protect poor Sinjin from the teasing and harassment, and though we were drifting apart, it would have been wrong to leave him. He needed me, and no matter how much of a dork he was, I wasn't going to let him go.

I guess that's why I flipped out at him when he left me.

It was July, the summer before high school, and I was just hanging out in my room, holding a needle as I prepared to pierce my belly button. The door flew open and I jumped about a foot in the air, dropping the needle. I looked around and saw Sinjin in my doorway.

"God, Sinjin," I said, shaking my head and willing my heart rate to go down. "I thought you were my parents. And whatever happened to calling before coming over?"

"Sorry, Jade," Sinjin said. He was grinning from ear to ear, bouncing on his heels a bit. "But guess what!"

"What?" I asked.

"You know that really awesome private school I was telling you about?"

"Yeah," I said.

"Well, I got in!"

I frowned. "What?"

"I got in! I won't be going to public school anymore!" Sinjin looked like he would burst from excitement.

I held up my hand, shaking my head. "Wait, wait. You're _leaving_?"

Sinjin nodded. "Yup! No more bullying! Just a bunch of other brainiacs and people like me! Did I tell you about their robotics program? It's the coolest thing ever—"

"Are you kidding me, Sinjin?" I yelled. "Whatever happened to sticking things out together? Are you just going to abandon me here for a bunch of nerds and…and a _robotics_ program?"

Sinjin blinked, surprised. He obviously hadn't been expecting this blow up. "What, no, of course not," he said. "Just because I'm switching schools doesn't mean we can't hang out."

"Yeah, sure," I spat. "I see how much I matter to you now. I stuck by your side for _years_ when there were dozens of cooler people to hang out with, and now you're just leaving me? Just a few months ago you were saying how we needed to sign up for all the same classes, and now you're _leaving_?"

"No, Jade, it isn't like that," he said, taking a step closer to me and reaching out.

I swatted away his hands. "You know what? Go. Just go! I don't need you—I _never_ needed you! Do you know why I hung out with you? Because I felt sorry. I felt bad because you had no friends and nobody liked you. I could have been _so_ popular, but I sacrificed that because of you." I pushed on his chest. "You know what—just get out! Get out of my house!"

Sinjin backed away, unable to say anything. He walked out, and I never saw or heard from him for a whole year.

I hadn't meant half the things I said. You can't spend nine years of your life with somebody and not care about him. I was just mad and hurt that he had barely talked to me about switching schools. Sure, he mentioned it once or twice, but I thought it was just talk. I never thought he would actually, you know, _leave_.

When school started and I was without my shadow, I began to get involved with the Goth and scene crowd. I made friends, and by the time my sophomore year rolled around, I felt like I belonged for once.

On the first day of tenth grade, I was hanging out with my friends in front of the school. Then, who else should show up but Sinjin.

I pulled him away from my friends and we started talking. He said that he would have switched schools sooner, but his parents made him stay the private school until the end of the year. He said that I was still his best friend, and that he wanted to start over.

I responded as any teenage girl would—I slapped him and told him to leave me alone because I had moved on without him and had plenty of friends to replace him. Then I walked away, and I never talked to him again.

For the next year and a half, Sinjin just slid through school. He was the outcast. He wasn't physically fit enough for the jocks, artsy enough for the thespians, or smart enough for the nerds. At lunch, he sat by himself. I felt bad for him, and a lot of the time I wanted to walk away from my Goth crowd and join him, show him that somebody still cared. But I never did.

And now, I wonder, why didn't I? I had already saved him once when I was a fairy, so why not when I was teenager? Maybe if I had, then Sinjin would still be here. But he's not, and _I can't change that_. So why? Why didn't I reach out to him? What was holding me back? _What?_

And the more I think about it, I think it's the hierarchy of high school. Sure, the Goths weren't very high up, but they were at least above the druggies and nerds. I was just happy to belong _somewhere_, and being friends with Sinjin again would have been social suicide.

Huh. Suicide.

But really, that's the way high school works. If you fit into a group, then you belong, and if you don't belong, then you're better off dead.

I haven't talked to any of my Goth friends since I heard about Sinjin's death. Honestly, I don't want to talk to anyone right now. Seriously, I need a vacation. I'm sick of high school. I'm sick of feeling stuck in my group. I'm sick of the hierarchy and the stereotypes. I'm sick of how easy it is to see through everything, because I know how everybody and everything works.

Maybe if I and everyone else hadn't been so locked into our little groups, we might have opened up to Sinjin and he might still be here. But he's not.

All I know is that high school stereotypes suck, and that I need a vacation. I need to get out of here and go somewhere where I'm not stifled by my stereotype, where people's personalities aren't paper thin, and where I can't learn all I need to know about somebody just by looking at him.

Maybe I'll go to that fairy tale amusement park again. Or maybe Armenia. Sinjin always said he liked that country.

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><p><em>I'm going to be reading an abridged version of this (with different names) at a Story Slam tomorrow. Wish me luck! And review, of course. :)<em>


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